Once in a while, like in any other big cities or town around the globe, me and my circle of friends would sit together and talk about gay. About how bizarre and disgusting they were. We would share anecdote, stories and series of amusement about them. Some of the story is from our own experience, and some of it come from a third party - a friend story of a friend story. Mocking gay, it's a fun, really, especially when we start to running out of topic.
In a time like that, if you were sitting on the same table with me, you would see a hint of scowl, a disgusted snort and an annoyed expression. You would witness hatred on my face. A hatred that formed and most of the time I rarely ask why. It's run in my vein since, well, since forever. But you see, in this recent few past weeks, I have that rare why moment. Don't ask why the why suddenly popped up. But it consistently bothering me, that I'm finally surrender and give it a thought. The little bastard.
From casual observation, the main supporter of anti gay campaign around the world usually rallied by a religious party. But the thing is I'm not into religion. I'm also not interested with the debate over why gay decided to be gay. It's important issue I know, but I think it doesn't solve my why problem. What more concerned me is the general behavior that gay posses, because I believe that it's something that more relevance with my day to day feeling. It is then easily boiled to this one: what kind of quality that gay person posses, that may trigger my hatred? Quite simpleton I know.
Is it because they dressed too much (or in some case, too little)? Gay have this tendency to dress in a way that painful in the eyes. But let's face it, in this kind of crazy consumerism driven society, gay is definitely is not the only kind who spend so much time on their appearance. I'm befriended with some people, who even though share the same flamboyant metrosexual trait, they are completely straight. I guess, as long as they are not revealing too much, I don't have much a ground to against them.
Is it because gay is in the same domain with sexual oddities such as pedophilia? Pedophilia is a crime because the body and mind of the victim is not developed yet for sexual activity. The logic is if it harming one party well being, than it's wrong. Homosexual is definitely odd, but I don't think that it would harming either party that involved.
Is it because I'm worried about my well being? Probably. When they set an eyes on you, gay could be really creepy in their approach. Not so long ago, I went into theater, and in the middle of the scene, I'm scowling "Fuck off!" to someone who try to be sneaky touchy-touchy bastard. This is totally embarrassing, but I admit that their aggressive active behavior scared the shitless of me. But honestly, as much as disturbing it was, it's not a legit and sufficient reason to breath a collective hatred toward them. There's a big chance that it's just my luck that run into some bad batch. Beside, I think I can take care of myself (have a pair of a quite fast leg here).
Well, what's then? Looking at the mirror, the only answer that come back and slap me on the face (no, not literally you punk) is that maybe I hate them because they are different. They just different.
The thing is, I always thought that nothing is wrong with being different. In fact everything under the sun that exist get its identity by being different.
This hatred toward homosexual than felt more like a mental drawback for me. The urge to assimilate difference into a new unity of identity is a mental state that human should leave behind a hundred years ago. But if this moronic thing still plague on me right now, when I'm started to consider myself as a handsome grown up, than I'm a truly, seriously fucked up on my stance.
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