obody wants to hover around the web and like to be told what to do. It’s part of being a douchebag. We revolt the rules, since we have this huge believe that we are the exception. A special one. That’s why we keep become a texter douchebag. That's why we craft this art of annoy the hell out of people. Cause we don't listen to anybody else.
But no, this texting guide is not intended to telling you what to do. I promise. Consider this texting guide … as a recommendation that can offer you a slight peak into what’s the most stylish trend in the world of crap texter right now.
And they are as follow:
Rules No.1: Always use the latest gadget
As a non-incarcerated member of the society, you have this luxury to buy the latest and most expensive gadget you can find. It doesn’t matter if you have to starve your family for a whole weeks, it doesn’t matter if you have to killed or cut your limb, it’s hell even doesn’t matter if it’s a fake phone. As long as there’s a Blackberry or iPhone logo plastered at the back of your phone, you sold. Some people might think it’s shallow and materialistic that our society places so much emphasis on outward appearance, but it’s just a principle that stance for a poor people who doesn’t have a balls to have one. And, that’s what every sophisticated gadget about isn’t? To text a message (duh).
Rules No.2: Encrypt your text.
A common pitfall of beginner texter is that they are ignorance in security stuff. It’s a bad habit, because in this information leaks age you won’t know who will receive the ends of your message. Thus it’s very important to torture any undesired person who could intercept your message. There are numerous technique that you can implement to encrypt your message such as Morse Code or Arabian character, but nothing can beat the stylishness of Alay Encryption. Learn it once, and you would never regret.
"Lond bhu* Ea? l3h kRm PulZzZzZ plizZzZZz? gy g9 dA"
Translation: “Sorry sweetie. I’m dead broke. What? It’s 2 o’clock in the morning? I’m sorry, I didn’t notice. But hey, can you send me some credit? No really...I’m completely broke. Thanks, you really the best.”
Rules No.3 Use ellipsis at the end of the sentence.
The ellipsis (…) is the sign of a complicated soul. This nifty three-dots can inspire a feeling of melancholy longing and really easy one to use. Of course most of the time there are more appropriate sign that you should use such as comma (,) or period (.), but who cares? Those ellipsis is much more mysterious and sexy. Let them keep guessing, what the hell is that three dots supposed to be mean…
Rules No.4: Text anywhere anytime
One of the most important psychological advantage of texting is the feeling of … importance. The sight of you in the middle of texting gives this irresistible persona that you are a busy person, a VVIP person whose needed and missed. Therefore it’s really crucial to spend every opportunity to texting (or at least looks texting - a technique that commonly known as masturtexting). Text while you are talking with your friends, text while you are driving, text while you play playstation or badminton. I said text anywhere and anytime. Scream it loud out from your lung “I’m a Texter Maniac!!”.